And then it happened. The grief bubbled over and started rocking her world in the storm of a perfect hurricane. Waves crashing. Life altering. Shaking her from the light in which she hunted so courageously for. Why do these things happen. Why do bad things happen to good people. Good people…am I? Is that what this is for? Maybe I have been chasing the illusion that I am good.
I am grasping. Grasping at understand all over again. Why is my baby gone? What the fuck did I do to deserve this pain, this punishment? Why do you rip the light from inside me only to leave it empty and not replace it?! I am angry. I am bitter. Tonight. Tonight is a punishment. Tonight I relive the moments before losing Avery. The black floral dress I wore the last day of his life. The drive to the hospital praying to god that my water wouldn’t break. Clinching my legs together that they shook from the pain on holding on for Avery’s life. The feeling when it happened. The aftermath. The shock. The sadness that will never go away. The struggle of every single day since.
And the prayers that have gone unanswered to have a family of my own.
God this hurts….
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